Really. Really.

Since my move to this city a little over two weeks ago, all of the beautiful people in my life have wanted to know what NYC is like. "But tell me what you do every day! Have you seen TomKat yet?! Has anyone yelled at you? Do you just walk around drunk on your own fabulosity?!" they exclaim over emails, facebook, text message and the phone. As much as I would love to feed the illusion that I ride around in cabs, discuss Russian literature at Dean&Deluca, attend fashion shows and gallery openings, and spend endless amounts of nonexistent money at Saks and Bergdorf's, I would rather paint a more realistic picture upon this adventure I have embarked upon. In continuation of my tendency towards top tens, here is my 

Top Ten List of Inconveniences of Living in New York City:

10: Avenue blocks. There are about 11 Avenue blocks that run E-W on the island of Manhattan. Five Avenue blocks is roughly a mile. As much as I tell myself that three Avenue blocks is only a little over half a mile, they still feel like the yellow brick road. Twenty street blocks (N-S) is about a mile, and I would completely rather walk ten street blocks than two avenue blocks. I hate them. They are long, sometimes steep, and stupid.

9: Grocery stores. Never have I missed Fred Meyer so. The wide aisles, the huge organic section, the selection of laundry soaps. I have never felt so optionless. Grocery stores here are tiny, dirty, and poorly stocked. Most of them have aisles that can accomodate, at most, one small grocery cart and one three year old child. That's it. This isnt even to mention the poor selection and quality of much of the inventory. I had to dig into the back of the shelf in order to find a jar of pickles that hadnt expired. Im pretty sure pickles have shelf lives like twinkies, so that disturbs me to the core. I could drool thinking about Costco right now.

8: Mass transportation. I have ridden in one cab since I have been here. My car service from JFK to my apt the first night cost me a c-note. Thus, I have been riding the subway. This usually isnt a big deal, except that I had never done it before in NY....and the conductors mumble....and youll be hard pressed to find a subway map anywhere inside of the cars. "next stop hmmphstrret. " yeah, ok.....as I frantically look out the doors to see where I am. There are so many trains going so many directions that I thought I was going to stroke out the first time I did it. I am quite proud to report that I have used the subway at least once a day for two weeks now, with no medical intervention required.

7: Construction. In this concrete jungle, I dont know what everyone is building about. There are enough structures. As if the noise level wasnt nuisance enough, there are construction trailers, cranes, and scaffolding on every street, further congesting pedestrian walkways. On a related note, I have, on more than one occasion, been the receiver of lewd comments by construction workers while innocently(annoyedly) walking past. Yeah, Im sure that works real well for them.

6: Tourists. Theyre everywhere. No wonder New Yorkers have such a hate/love/hate relationship with the masses that muddy up their city everyday. They walk slowly on the sidewalks, they stop at the entrances/exits of every building, they speak loudly when confused, and they always have strollers/dangling cameras/other forms of safari equipment that obstruct your path and tangle in the crowds. Every child they have in tow is screaming. They wear embarassingly cheesy NYC paraphenalia. Every street vendor knows the difference, and I am proud to say that I have never been offered a flier or discount show tickets of any kind since I have been here. *Disclaimer: I still dont know where I belong in relation to all this mess. I'm not a New Yorker (yet!) but I shudder to consider myself a tourist. I assume this means I can make mildly insulting blanket statements regarding both populations.

5: Quarter machines on bathroom doors. This requires little description, every woman in America is annoyed by this.

4: It's not warm here, but I'm constantly sweating. The air is so thick I could slice it.
3.5: It's not warm.

3: Being a packhorse. My shoulders have inevitably suffered permanent damage from lugging crap around with me everywhere. I dont have a car to stow anything. So thus, my entire day travels with me. No grocery stops on the way home, unless I can fill one bag or less. The one time I carried full three Whole Foods totes heavy with groceries I practically threw them at the doorman by the time I got home, I was so mad. I am usually a purse minimalist, carrying only chapstick, my phone, and wallet. Not anymore!! I now carry a water bottle (to rehydrate after sweating), my NYC guidebook, calendar, lotion, grocery bags, wetnaps, Purell, sunglasses, and a light jacket everytime I leave my apartment. It's such a big deal to get anywhere that I make it count. This list changes completely if it's raining.

2: Having money ain't everything, not having it is. The myths are true, NYC is spendy. This truth coupled with my lack of employment makes for an extreme inconvenience. I paid twelve dollars to see a movie last night. I have spent over three hundred dollars on groceries in the last two weeks. I won't even tell you how much I'm paying in rent. I have no idea how people do it.

1: Perhaps the most significant inconvenience of living in NYC to me, so far, is that I dont want to leave. I love it here. There is so much happening. It's strange the odd sense of significance you automatically inherit simply by inhabiting a place of significance. I read this quote on the subway (where there should have been a damn map!) that I find to be categorically true: "There are roughly three New Yorks. There is, first, the New York of the man or woman who was born here, who takes the city for granted and accepts its size and its turbulence as natural and inevitable. Second, there is the New York of the commuter — the city that is devoured by locusts each day and spat out each night. Third, there is the New York of the person who was born somewhere else and came to New York in quest of something. […] Commuters give the city its tidal restlessness; natives give it solidity and continuity; but the settlers give it passion."

I have come to find in these mere two weeks here that the people who come here as adults are indelibly dissatisfied. Whether it be in their profession, location, or person, no one comes to New York happy with their current situation. Nay, they enter this vast city knowing that there are bigger, greater, more things in store for them here than anywhere else in the world. Just knowing this about myself has made me that much more committed to finding a way to stay. I have realized that there are many aspects of myself that I find less awesome than I intended. This city demands all of my potential. Inconvenient as it may be, I want to wallow in it. and Bloomie's Froyo. For now, I find myself grateful to be here, counting on God to shove me in the right direction......and soon, please.