Runaway No More.

I signed a year long lease on a guesthouse in Hollywood today.  Not a euphemism,  I literally signed a rental lease.  Wrote a big fat check, got keys to my own place for the next year.  If any of you know me at all, you can imagine that I have already had several identity crises regarding this matter.  I left Spokane to be a travel nurse.  Many people along the way have asked how long I was going to gypsy my way through the country.  The answer was always "indefinitely until my legs break".  Now I am settling into this crazy city, committing to being here for a year, giving this acting thing the ol' college try.  Last week I had a total panic attack, and almost called my recruiter to get me a job in Nashville.  I beat it, however, and distracted myself.  In true TLM fashion, and in order to soothe my inner runner, I have compiled the following list:

Top Ten Joys Regarding This Settle:

10.  I've finally allowed myself to change the preset radio stations in my car.  Scoff if you will, but until this week the presets were still set to Spokane radio stations.  changing them was always too much of a commitment, since I was going somewhere different in a few months anyway.

9.  Paint colors!  I've chosen the most gorgeous paint colors for my new place.  This excites me every time.  It's a fresh start.

8. Getting my sh*t together.  Literally.  This will mark the first time since I left Spokane that my belongings will inhabit the same residence.  I previously had a travel set of stuff, and a home set of stuff.  Whenever I would go home, I would trade stuff out.  I was serious when I said that my house in Spokane primarily stores off-season clothing, waiting to be traded in/out.

7. I can finally allow myself a toaster and a blender.  I never afforded myself the luxury of kitchen appliances before, but now my life doesn't have to fit in a car!

6.  I am really doing this.  I'm gonna make this place a home.  Previously, I only allowed myself printed photos haphazardly tacked onto bare walls in all of my temporary residencies.  Now, I am hanging window treatments and buying a wall map dammit.

5. I am planning ahead.  Gasp! I bought plane tickets for April, May, and June, all from LA airports.  This is new and different.  I haven't purchased a domestic flight farther than 2 weeks in advance in years.  Whoa.  My pulse is bounding, as I reread the above.  Disclaimer: I still officially consider myself on the (no plan) Plan.  I will just be conducting my haphazardness from LA.

4. I'm kind of dating.  Again, new.  Nothing worth mentioning, but the fact that I'm not giving fake names and numbers while telling myself it's for their own good, is progress for this commitaphobe.

3. I'm enrolled in acting class, which is a weekly commitment.  Hasn't been done in years.  The craziest thing is, I'm going every week!  Actually showing up to this activity and making this a priority.

2.  I found a church to call home.  I have been attending services at Reality LA, and I love it.  The people there are my kind of people, and I have already been touched so many times that I really crave it on Sundays.  My church attendance in other cities was spotty; there was always something else I let myself do instead, with the the excuse that my time in that city was so limited.  Well, so is time in itself, asshole.  No more excuses, I'm diving in.  God and I are getting tighter.

1.  I LOVE LIVING HERE!  At the heart of it, LA really has everything I could ever want.  Most all of the shallow and obnoxious is avoidable, really.  There are all different kinds of people here, but everyone comes with a dream.  People here ask what your occupation is, and then ask about your "slash"; the thing you're really here for.  Nurse/actor.  I love it. Have you noticed that my number 1's are always all about me?  Maybe #2 will help me work on that.

Love Love Love.

tuesday nights.

my acting coach is nuts.  he's also just nuts enough to be good.  this wiry, new york cultured, woody allen-esque man says whatever he thinks, and i love it.  he yells, i yell too, lots gets done and undone.  

reasons why i chose this class:

1. when i audited, i watched the other actors in the class and i believed that most of them have potential to have an acting career.  this is not always true.  in many of the other classes i audited, the people were mostly there for therapy.  yes, acting class is therapeutic.  no, i don't need to be around all that emotional instability.

2. the class is filmed.  every performance/reading etc that you do, he tapes it.  that way you have a record of what you've done, can watch yourself, and also remember everything he yelled at you afterwards.  very helpful, also horrendously self depracating.  hell-o, ms double chin. 

3. he gets whatever he wants out of you, however he can.  he has made me dance around the studio to loosen up, picture people naked, etc to place me in the emotional state of the character i'm playing.  he has also spontaneously put a prop gun to my head in class, trying to get a sense of urgency out of me.  i did not know it was a prop gun.  i felt urgent to say the least.  it worked. 

4. he does not blow smoke up my ass.  there are no promises of stardom, no connections being offered, no comments on appearance/marketability.  it works for me because i do not do well with coddling.

5. he invites an industry guest to watch class every month.  not only do i get exposure this way, but i am also learning a lot about how the industry works.  

tuesday nights are a highlight, and a dread all at once.  I consider this a good sign.

to have and to uphold.

my yoga instructor said the most lovely thing to me today:

"in sanskrit, the word for path or journey is dharma.  it's used to refer to going your own way, and to following your passions.  what's so great about this word is that the literal translation means 'to uphold the good'.  so, what it means to do what you love and blaze your own trail is to uphold the good of the world."

this just about knocked me over.  isnt it the most wonderful thing to hear first thing in the morning?  Lord help me, I'm getting soft.

Carpel Tunnel Much?

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I think I broke facebook.

 So often, people flood an individual's wall on their birthday nonchalantly, mostly to hop on the bandwagon.  You dont really expect a reply, it's likely just lost in the shuffle of everyone else telling that person to have "the best day ever."

well my friends, being linked to me is not that generic.

I was so overwhelmed and tickled by all of the birthday well wishes on my FB wall, that I decided to respond to every single one of them.  I started an hour ago, with the most recent one, and made my way to the very first person who wished me a happy 25th year.  Halfway through, FB froze.  My wall was empty, my profile gone.
Wuh oh.  You know what that means?

FB isn't amused by appreciation.  hrmpht.

In case you all are dying to know, my twenty five year was started by a 12 hour shift at work. It ended with dishes, greek yogurt for dinner, and going to bed with John Hughes. ala Pretty in Pink.   I know, schedule the intervention for my crazy lifestyle.

laughing in the loo.

funny story:

I was recently at a party held in a place where there was only one restroom.  I know, unbelievable conditions.  Despite this inconvenience, people were still lining up in the hallway, waiting for their turn to empty in order to go back to the bar to fill up.  Being hilariously ingenious and horrendously bored, the boys I was waiting with started timing everyone that went in.  They were trying to prove that girls are a pain in the ass, I just agreed and wanted in on the game.  I also knew that, when it was finally my turn, my superpower will finally be revealed.

I pee super fast.  

Seriously, it's uncanny.  Girls would disappear behind the door and emerge in 8, 5, 3 minutes at the fastest.  The speediest boy took 45 seconds.

My time, including handwash? (I'm a nurse. Of course I washed.  Please.)

27 seconds.  You may now applaud.  If only it was a marketable enough skill to appear on YouTube, I could be on Ellen.  sigh.

Twenty Five.

My birthday is tomorrow...... but I was born in China, which makes it my birthday in my birthplace, today.  You follow?

Twenty............ five. 

Last year, I was convinced that twenty four would be my best year yet, and my ever-over-confident self started the year wrecking my car.  

This year, I am still convinced that this will be my best year yet, and am driving in the worst city nationwide for car safety.  It's not a sign.  

In celebration of the last year and hopes of the new!

Top Ten of Twenty Four:

10: living in seattle.  damn, i like that place despite everything i hate about it.  i now find myself finding every excuse to go.  why the hell is my house in spokane?  oh yeah, one of the reasons i hate seattle: housing market. 

9: my house.  despite the mounting responsibilities and inevitable drama that comes with home ownership, i still am thankful to have it and that things fell into place to get it.

8: china trip.  I love my grandma. no elaboration needed.  she is worth having to rub elbows with the yellows.

7: CVHS graduation-Janni takes the crown as the member of our family most likely to live up to her potential.  phew, pressure's off.

6: the awesome road trips.  lots of howling to good tunes, gorgeous scenery, self reflection this year.  my car has over 55K miles in 3.5 years.  i consider this a victory.

5: being outside a lot.  between living in the adventure loving seattle, trips to hawaii, denver, and moving to LA,  i almost satisfied my hunger for the outdoors this year.  almost.  

4: finally learning to let go of the unchangeable.  this year, i've learned that people are just that, and that the only one you can change is yourself.  i'm starting to expect less and learn to accept more.  this is a big deal for me.  

3: in theme with #4, i think this is the year i have finally accepted my height.  i've virtually quit wearing heels, i dont care about elongating my silhouette, and no longer feel the need to poof up my hair for height.  im short.  you know what? for as much as i have complained about it and resented myself for it the previous 24 years of my life, i dont think i would change it if i could.  i get way more attention being short than i ever would average height or tall.  it has now moved to my 'asset' list.  look at me, im maturing.

2: i went skydiving in hawaii, and it was incredible. still on the books as the happiest moment of my life.  i know not of another time that i felt so lighthearted and purely joyful.  it sounds silly, but the terror of the build up to the moment of jumping really contributed to the sheer ecstasy of flying across the sky.  i'm allowing myself to be this corny because i mean it. 

1: this year, i quit making excuses with myself and started chasing a dream.  acting is a ridiculous ambition and chances are, i will fail epically.  i dont care. 

Thanks to God and everyone else that had a hand in making twenty four so smile inducing.  let's have more adventures this year.

Love Love Love.

Love/Hate: LA

Rave:  I love that, in LA, everyone has a notebook/netbook/ipad/legal pad/laptop tucked under their arm in public.  Walking down the street, through coffee shops, and virtually anywhere people gather, people are inspired to jot things down.  Stacks of paper litter tabletops everywhere I go.  I just love that this city is obsessed with creating things, making people laugh, and sharing their zany thoughts and ideas worldwide.  I feels like things are happening here, and it is incredible to participate.  You get the feeling that everybody and anybody sitting next to you is on the verge of the Next Great Something.  

Rant: I hate that, in LA, people are obsessed with being discovered.  Everyone, virtually everywhere, is giving themselves strained necks in order to constantly be looking over their shoulders.  People are overwhelmingly consumed with the idea that the person sitting next to them anywhere could/will be the person to make them Someone.  I, officially, am making conscious efforts to not get wrapped up.  Seriously, celeb gossip is fun for about 5 minutes when they're live in front of you, and then it's ass numbingly boring.  These PEOPLE  make crap that smells as putrid as everyone else's, and they're just as awkward as well.  

Revertigo.

Revertigo: n.  The state of regressing to the developmental, emotional, intellectual state of one's prior being, caused by the presence of a certain population of one's past.  Term coined on television sitcom "How I Met Your Mother" (CBS).

I graduated from the incomparable Gonzaga University in 2007.  Despite my frequent travels and nomadic lifestyle across this great nation in the time since, I really have not spent a real holiday surrounded by large quantities of people I went to college with.  I have, of course, seen people individually, and in smaller groups.  The weddings, girls nights, happy hours, week in random city with an old roommate, etc. have found me in the company of college friends, but not en masse.  Thus, I have been relatively immune to the phenomenon of revertigo.

This all changed.  I had no idea that I am not beyond the powers of jackassery that propel me back into the 20 year old state of mind, as soon as I am in the company of large numbers of my fellow Zags.

Last weekend was the WCC basketball tourney in Vegas.  (WE WON, GO ZAGS!) At the last minute, I decided to go.  Packed a bag, drove the 280 miles to Vegas, hung out with all of the peeps.  Really, I would recount the fun and philandering that ensued, but I would hate to ruin any shot at public office later in life.  So I will just leave you with these gems to treasure:

Really?  I graduated four years ago.  I have a career.  We all do.  There is no need to be stealing beers from the suite we broke into and stuffing them down my pants.  No need whatsoever. Side note: who was the photog who took the pic and cut out the three beers in my pants?! Actually, thanks.

 




Apparently, when the sun has already been up and one hasn't been down yet, despite having conversations (albeit shouted over Bruno Mars) with both an Italian and Jewish man, elevator mirror ceilings are endlessly fascinating.  People, I went to college.

"David Berry" is Amy's BF.  I know not of the circumstances surrounding this photo, I only know that it is inappropriate and therefore must be addressed.  Also, I recognize that my ass is flat.  I'm asian.  This is not new information.

This one is nice, other than my missing right lower extremity.  I end on this note.  Heed this warning, my friends: we know not the limitations of revertigo, or whether certain aspects are irreversible.  Protect yourselves.

Love Love Love.

Chasing Waterfalls

Isn't there something just magnificent about falling water?

Behold:

Escondido Falls, near Malibu.  It's a real easy hike crossing creeks, on a well groomed trail until you get to the lower falls.  Then some rock scrambling mud sliding, etc up three levels of falls til you get to the top, where you are rewarded with this.  Lord, I love to be outside.