Apple Pie Baseball

My precious Coco Noelle celebrated her dirty thirty birthday last week, and I was all too excited to fly on up for this, plus another wedding.  I spent a wonderful 10 days in Spokane (I know! go figure!)  and was so blessed to get to spend so much time with her.  Coco and I met when I was a client at her fabulous salon, five years ago.  She, like so many of closest loves, was one that I met and decided within 2 minutes that we needed to be besties.  What can I say, when you know, you know...... ya know?  In honor of three decades of this delightful lady, please behold my Top Ten Coco Memories:

10: The day we met.  She was wearing this cute black jumper and looked like a little Peter Pan.  We giggled through the entire haircut and within the hour, I wanted to know everything about her.

9. I'm not going to publish the actual conversation, but while she came to visit me in NYC, we spoke at length about one of her favorite things in the world.... which is gross.  The subject matters not, but the fact that she is so candid about herself.  We laughed for so many hours, laying on that futon with Hayley.

8.  Coco is the friend I want with me when things are bad.  When bad situations are around, wrong place, wrong time.  I want her in my corner when the bummer comes.  She got into a little fender bender in my car while I was in Peru, and I am so thankful that of all my friends, it was her.  I'm sure she doesn't feel the same.  Having your first accident in someone else's car sucks.

7.  Also in NYC, Halloween night.  Our cab driver was getting into a verbal spat with another driver while barreling down Midtown Manhattan.  I was getting in on the action, and Coco was mortified.  Hilarious.  We just laughed about this last week.

6. New Orleans.  She was going down for a birthday party, and I was living in TX.  I met her and her friends for the weekend, and we ventured Bourbon Street one night by ourselves.  She stole me some artwork I have in my house now, we sang karaoke, and got kicked out of a strip club..... before we even got in.

5. Last year, when I first moved to LA, we were bored and looking for something to do.  I got on the LA weekly website and found this quirky comedy show in the back of a comic book store.  Sounded so lame, and we almost left before the show even started.  Cut to this year, after thousands of laughs and awesome comics seen.  Now Coco only flies out of LA after Wednesday, so that we can go to the Meltdown Comedy show.
         a. Coco was heckled at one of these shows one time.  It was hilarious.  Ask me about it.

4.  Coco has the balls to say anything to anyone, pretty much.  She can saunter up to a gorgeous man and just tell him so.  She leaves him her number at his work.  She has balls.  There are multiple examples.  I cannot just recall one, but I love having her around.  She makes friends like no one else I know.

3.  Coco and I bullied one of our friends to three way smooch us last week.  He wasn't having it at first, but we talked him into it.  I think about it and laugh loudly every time.  Peer Pressure!  Delightful!

2.  Last week, she was in LA with another friend and we did a late night In N Out run.  She, a vegetarian of over a year, said "screw it!" and got a double double with fries.  We drove down Hollywood Blvd, stuffed our faces and laughed at the freak parade.  She knows what's important, right?

1.  We danced and belted Justin Bieber all night on her birthday.  We have embarassed ourselves and so many others with impromptu performances at grocery stores, gas stations, and department stores.  We have Bieber dance parties in her dressing room, and for the 10 days I stayed with her, we started every day with the Biebs Christmas song.

Wanted: Someone Far Away.

I know the very term conjures terror in women's hearts worldwide, but I should still say it.

I think I would make a really good long distance girlfriend.

Let's face it, my unluckiness in love is probably equal parts lack of opportunity and personal issue, so perhaps a serious relationship is not a realistic ambition for me.

I am also really independent and don't understand the nuances of having another person constantly at my side.  I don't get it, and I don't know how good I would be at it.  I have a hard time taking guys seriously when they are trying to be genuine with me, and I could care less about corny ritualistic 'holidays' like Valentines Day or anniversaries.  Really, it sounds like a lot of stuffy, fussy, nonsense to me.  I will never remember the date of a first kiss, or recall what I was wearing when we went out the first time.  I hate fancy restaurants.  I hate feeling like I have to behave.

However, I am really good at sending prizes in the mail, texting fun pictures, and getting on a plane for any reason.  I like the idea of having someone to visit somewhere, and acquiring a whole new set of friends in another place.

I am skilled in not obsessing over where another person is, making friends with other girls, and showing up when it really counts.

So, from here on out, I think I will be mostly interested in men who live a reasonable flight away.  I'm thinking Seattle, San Fran, Denver, or New Mexico.  This might be a solution for me!  I'll keep y'all posted.

The Loo Line Lad.

So there's this guy.  (go ahead, groan.)

We met at a party last winter, both waiting in line for the bathroom.  Hilarious and delightful banter ensued, somehow we ended up with each other's phone numbers.

We talked, for a little while.

However it happened, he quit the communicating and I forgot about it.  Classic LA brush off.  Well then, imagine my shock when I get a nonchalant message from him in late August.  Six months later, mind you.

I didn't think much of it; he probably just got bored.  Twist: he hasn't let up, since!  He also hasn't really made a  move.  He came close, last week, asking if I was too tired to come over for dinner after I told him I had had a mere 4 hours of sleep the night before.  I told him I had dinner plans, but suggested a bite or drink another day.  He balked at the insinuation of being a 'second hand date'.  Oh LAWD.  Attraction plummets when insecurities surface preemptively.  Take note, gentlemen. (ha, like any men read this blog! I kill myself.)

Communication has been spotty since, but still not dead.  Normally, all of this nonsense would barely be noteworthy, but there are a few aspects to the situation that intrigue me.

First of all,  I really like his name.  This is a stupid reason to engage.  But, sometimes, I am quite a stupid girl.  Second of all, I haven't seen this man at all since the first time we met, and laughed uproariously while timing people in the bathroom (side note: laughing is the worst thing to be doing while waiting in line to pee).  Third, I don't really remember what he looks like.  See, being in line for the bathroom at a party usually means that you have had a few beverages, enough to warrant 'breaking the seal' if you will.  I was already three glasses of wine deep when we met and all I remember is this really great jacket he had on.

So to sum up, I entertain the idea of maintaining contact with this wishy-washy fellow because I have this deluded-too many rom coms-over imaginative fantasy that someday soon we might actually see each other after a full year of whatever it is we have been doing, and that the year of bad communication will lead to a funny and dysfunctional interaction upon that first meet.  Of course, this will be mostly just useful as material for the sitcom I will eventually write. .... or my memoir.