A Vulcan's Nipples are like Humans.

This is why LA is so cool for twentysomethings, and way too cool for kids: when you go see the new StarTrek film on opening weekend at your neighborhood landmark theatre, your ticket gets ripped by Spock, crazy nipples and all.  Such a tender moment.

I Spelled Sequoia.

I finally got my ass into the mountains and camped in California!  Over Memorial Day weekend, a few lovelies and I wound our way into the Sequoia National Forest for a few days of gourmet camp food, fireside singalongs (no, we really did that), and fricken freezing nights.  We had brilliant sun during the day, but the nights were below freezing.  I slept in two pairs of socks, my Uggs, a sleeping bag, and a heavy blanket.  At an altitude of 5500 feet, I guess that's fair.  It felt so great to get out of LA for just a minute, and reestablish that I am totally the kind of girl that can poop in the woods and like it.  Dirtball for life!  Fellas, please make an orderly line and leave your gifts at the door.

Loo Lingo

Man, are people getting so stupid that we know need instructions in the restroom? Doesn't this seem like basic potty training information? Do we really need refreshers?

Teste. Teste. 1 2 3.

My friends are so good to me.  Darling Lindsay (aka my blog cattle prod), has always been such a supporter of my butterfly-chasing hare brained ideas.  She gave up her birthday and last day of LA vacation a year ago to tag along to a pilot shoot.  She reads this blog and is always on schedule with her regular, yet gentle nudges to update.  She politely tells me I'm hilarious.  So when I started rolling the idea of going to Seattle to drop Marsha off sometime this month, her response was: "YOU MUST COME DURING THE SECOND THURSDAY OF THE MONTH AND DO STAND UP AT KONA."

Well, okay.

{Comedy Darlings. Photo credit: Lauren Opstad!}

She and her friend Lauren are basically beneficiaries of this little local comedy night, held in the back of a Hawaiian BBQ restaurant.  They, along with a friend organize local comics to perform once a month.  It's low-key.  It's casual.  Sometimes, their group of friends are the only people in there.  Well not this night!  My darling friends Meg, Frank, Monica and newlyweds Alison and Marc came out to witness the spectacle.  How tickled was I.  Eek.
So there ya have it, Linds.  You cattle prod my blog and now my stand up practice.  Man oh man do I owe you for the acting career I don't even have yet.

Is this love?  I think so!  Might you enjoy a uploaded video of the new things I am complaining about lately?

{Disclaimer: for those of you know me, please remember that this is an act.  Standup comedy is really just an overwhelmingly narcissistic monologue.  Some, or all of it, may be completely made up.  The idea is to be funny, not always truthful.  Also, sometimes I swear. Yeah, the jig is up.}

laughing in the loo.

funny story:

I was recently at a party held in a place where there was only one restroom.  I know, unbelievable conditions.  Despite this inconvenience, people were still lining up in the hallway, waiting for their turn to empty in order to go back to the bar to fill up.  Being hilariously ingenious and horrendously bored, the boys I was waiting with started timing everyone that went in.  They were trying to prove that girls are a pain in the ass, I just agreed and wanted in on the game.  I also knew that, when it was finally my turn, my superpower will finally be revealed.

I pee super fast.  

Seriously, it's uncanny.  Girls would disappear behind the door and emerge in 8, 5, 3 minutes at the fastest.  The speediest boy took 45 seconds.

My time, including handwash? (I'm a nurse. Of course I washed.  Please.)

27 seconds.  You may now applaud.  If only it was a marketable enough skill to appear on YouTube, I could be on Ellen.  sigh.

laughing in the loo.

In continuation of the toilet humor, chew on this.

I come to my favorite coffeeshop, Intelligentsia, a lot to write this here blog and drink tea.  In the ladies washroom, the wall facing the john is covered in a floor to ceiling mirror with graphics.  I don't know about ya'll, but if any toilet facing a mirror is begging for a photo.  Everytime I tinkle here, I sit and see myself laughing at how ridiculous I look.  Everyone should see themselves sitting on the pot at some point in their lives.  It's entirely too good for the soul.

Love Love Love.

PS.  are the cowboy boots too much?  hope so!

Still Laughing in the Loo.

ROBOTO PROTECTO will save you from the evil perils of Hepatitis and E. Coli!

Are y'all sick of these yet?  I'm definitely not.

Laughing in the Loo

This is also funny.  Bathroom verbage apparently is my new joy. Yup folks, I went to college.

Laughing in the Loo.

{seen at Nordstrom loo}

I cant speak for the entire gender.....

But my 'feminine protection' comes in the form of wiles, rhetoric, a roundhouse kick, and sharp footwear.  I somehow don't think cotton filled harpoons and absorbent rafts are much in real protection.  The verbage isn't quite right.  

Just sayin.