Favorite Texts from Nick Lately

"I just snorted in the United Club.  Thank you very much." 

 I had just sent him a photo of my face, mouth agape, so that he may compare the size of my teeth to Lisa Ling's.  I'm not sure who was declared the toothiest, but the visual of Nick snorting alongside those staunchy business elite makes me a winner for sure.

"Too loud, too touristy, too sexy, etc.  I mean, we can't help it."  

We were talking about how we were constantly in trouble and an embarrassment to all others around us on our Peru trip.  We just have the most fun there ever is to have, and people hate it.  As a public service, we don't go on trips nearly often enough. 

"Girl, the NSA is listening"  

SO maybe I made a joke about bombing his house, for dramatic effect.  He's watching out for me, while the feds are watching out for everyone else?

"weddings are stupid."  

This is a lie.  He loves them, wants a big one with yards of bunting and scads of twirling attendees on the dance floor.  I will wear a sparkly dress, and will serenade the guests as they are seated to selections of my favorite country ballads. 

"If my life turns into a romcom, I'm gonna hang myself with my Brooks Brothers tie."  

Also a lie.  He loves the smush.  He just hates himself for loving it.  That's why we're the perfect pair.  hmmphrt.

"Rather not say.  You'll be mad."  

Life has gotten a bit real for Nick in the past few months, and so of course he has me to say the awful truths about him and ask the ugly questions.  We have never had to tiptoe around each other, and sometimes it's terrible.  He knows when I'll call out his nonsense, and I know he'll tell me when I get fat.  

"whine whine whine"

We are both total wonderful-life-whiners.  Nick is a successful attorney in a great town, working at a job that he's really qualified for.  He has killer abs, pretty eyes, and enough United miles to fly around the world twice.  Nonetheless, he can't stop complaining about his schedule or commute or paralegal's business suits, or whatever it is gay lawyers complain about.  I also have it all (minus the abs) and also can't stop complaining about my failed acting pursuit, hard to find parking, or whatever it is Whatever-I-ams complain about.

"Move to Denver.  I need the ego stroke"
The biggest lie.  But, maybe?  I think about it a lot.  Maybe.