No Business

I took this photo inside of a restaurant in the Venetian.  At first it  just disheartened me, now there's a poignancy to how miserable a place Las Vegas is.  Bah Humbug.

Every time I go to Vegas, I swear I'm never going again.  But then, someone that I like goes on vacation there and I am lured by the proximity and the prospect of fun and fellowship with a friend I don't see often.

WELL THAT'S JUST QUITE ENOUGH.  I am making this declaration that the city of Las Vegas is now blacklisted.  I refuse to pour any more funds into plane tickets and gas to get there or otherwise support their local industry in any way.  LET'S LEVEL IT AND BUILD A WILDLIFE RETREAT.

Don't believe me?  Well, allow me to present my case.

TOP TEN REASONS TO HATE VEGAS.

10.  Well crap, it's dirty.  Is this still even America?  This city is not 200 years old, and why would I believe that raw sewage once flowed from those streets?  If I wanted to contract a skin infection from a sidewalk or door handle, I could go visit Mumbai, thankyouverymuch.  Risk of illness must come at the reward of experience.  Vegas gives the bad end of both. 

09.  Well crap, it's bright.  Yes, the lights are spectacular.  Yes, they're obnoxious.  Get your message across, marketers.  Don't punch me in the cornea with your show poster.  Also, aren't we in a recession?  Who pays for all of this?  Don't we need the water you've chlorinated and pumped into your cheesy Euro-trash fountain to water fields for growing produce?!  

08.  Well crap, it's slutty.  I know it's commonlaw, but people be acting crazy there.  Oh, so being within the confines of city limits makes it okay to touch people in inappropriate places on the street?  It makes it okay for 120 ft tall posters of busty blondes wearing an extension cords to be draped over hotel buildings?  No wonder we have such a 'prosti-tot' epidemic with children today.   

07.  Well crap, it's drunk.  There. are. no. limits.  No bartender ever cuts anyone off, drinks get cheaper as people get drunker, open containers are displayed proudly, and no one gets apprehended for any misbehavior short of assault.  I was literally seen at the Palms Lobby vomiting into a trash can, lifting my head only to run my fingers through the "sparkly black sand" (ahem, ashtray) in the top of the receptacle.  No one batted an eyelash.  Really?  I deserved to be thrown into the drunk tank, and yet just  carried on.  

06.  Well crap, it's needlessly stuck up.  Well doesn't Vegas just think it's so hot?  Everywhere you go, the environment just oozes over-confidence and status.  Well ooouuur hotel places you in the lap of luxury.... dont weeeeee look hot because our receptionists are dancers...... don't yyoooooouuuuu aspire to seem as beautiful and virile and rich as weeeeeeee do?  Snort.  Get over yourself.  You have no local culture except the sex trade.  Shut up. 

05.  Well crap, it's BORING.  So what the hell do you do there other than get drunk at night and sleep it off all day?!  Geez.  We had some free time in the afternoon the day we left and seriously couldn't think of anything to do.  We left for the airport early.  I can only sit by the pool for an hour, tops.  I bring books, magazines, music, snacks, and whatever else I can think of to occupy my time.  After about 20 minutes, I want to get in the water because I'm so bored of sitting there.  After that, I want to leave and find a real interactive activity.  My dad calls the event of ladies by the pool a "Pork Roast" and I guess I have to agree.  I just feel like a burnt pig, slapped over a lounge chair. 

04.  Well crap, it's cheesy.  Not the good kind, like when I get smushy about singing love songs.  It's dirty cheesy.  Cheap nonsense being sold everywhere, bad clothes, fake plants, real implants, climate controlled, and excessive.  There is no character to the culture there, nothing to warm the heart.  I need that in a place.  More than I need a plastic long necked souvenir drink holder.  Way more. 

03.  Well crap, what do I eat?!  It's either disgusting buffets, overcrowded greasy chain  restaurants, or stupidly over-swanky 'hot spots' (see item #06).  I don't like any of those options.  No fresh salads, no grocery stores in sight, not even a taco truck for the love!  I just want a little bistro where I can have a salmon salad with fresh cucumbers.  I ended up with froyo and food courts.  Yeeeuuuuck.

02.  Well crap, it's loud.  Perhaps it's my increasing age but I am just as sound sensitive as ever.  Do ALL of the slot machines have to make noise?!  Do they HAVE to make THOSE noises?!  Do these people know they're all in the same room?  WHY IS THAT BILLBOARD YELLING AT ME.  Does that band playing in Margaritaville know how bad they are?  

01.  Well crap, it's fat and lazy.  I'm just gonna say it.  Vegas is for people who don't know how to really be humans.  They sit idly by the concrete and tile pool.  They sit idly indoors in front of the slot machines.  They sit idly at the bar drinking sugar-laden preservatives and artificial colors.  They sit idly in strip clubs watching someone else exert themselves on a shiny pole.  They sit idly in buffets and gorge themselves on horrendous food.  I almost lost it while walking down the strip.  You have to go over skywalks to cross a lot of the streets; there are stairs and there are escalators.  Wanna guess how many people were on the stairs?  Mostly just me.  In contrast, people were lined up at the bottom AND TOP of every escalator.  Seriously!  In line!  Waiting!  People with no luggage, fully functional legs, and no screaming children in tow.  EVEN GOING DOWN.  All I could think about was my patient I had just left in LA, confined to bed because he was paralyzed.  Oh, what he wouldn't give to run up those stairs.  This was the defining moment for me; I just can't invest time and money in a place where people go to just be lazy pieces.  I just plain have no business there.  

Go love on all of the wonderful places in this world that love back.  I'll meet you there.

Love Love Love.