Location Services.

{fall in Spokane}

I read somewhere that a blogger should never apologize for tardy or scant posting.  I don’t know why, but I feel like I should anyway.  It’s been so long.  Here’s the thing....

...I’ve been lacking in inspiration lately.  Well, I've come full circle. When I first left Spokane in search of adventure and experience, I could not spend enough time away from home.  You could coax me back to GEG with the birth of my goddaughter, but barely negotiable for any other occasion.  As far as I was concerned, time in Spokane was time away from Everything Else.

Since I've moved to LA, the travel bug has raged within me.  Something about being on a plane soothes my nerves about having a lease and furniture.  I've been on a plane at least once a month since I moved there, and have jumped at every opportunity to run around.  Up til now, I justified it in a multitude of ways.  Weddings, birthdays, weather, etc etc.  The thing that I've come to realized, however, is that all this running around is a total distraction from what I came here for.  I am in LA to chase a butterfly, and have been too distracted to even really start.

This fall, I spent a loong vacation at home in Spokane, which was filled with beloved friends and warm fuzzies.  I should have known better, because the fact of it is, I can’t go home without some kind of identity crisis following me on the plane.  When you grow up on a place like Spokane, with a personality like my own, it’s like you’re constantly at war with what you really want out of your life vs. the genuine joy you see in simple things and contented people.  I am not a contented person, but would like to be.  People who dwell and remain in places like Spokane tend to be well adjusted and satisfied.  Spokane is the easiest place in the world to live, I swear.  There is no traffic, four distinct seasons, tons of outdoor opportunities, alongside any amenity you could really desire.  You can stroll into any restaurant downtown, any day of the week, and be seated immediately.  Except for on Mother’s Day.  People are generally trustworthy, and families thrive.  The local economy is quite stable, sheltered from the highs and lows of this time....because people stay.  There’s no turnover.  Like I said, easiest place in the world to life.  Well, everyone likes easy, right? 

Therein lies the issue.  I just don’t handle easy that well.  While I was there, I always felt like I was wasting my time, waiting for my life to start and just begging for some cultural/creative/passionate interactions.  I need palpable culture, and people who take chances and act insane.  Living somewhere difficult forces you to decide, every day, what you’re there for and why you chose it.  

But it doesn’t make returning from ‘easy’ places any easier.

This is embarrassing, but honest.  I think that perhaps, after I came back to LA from Spokane this fall and took a serious look into my last year and life here, a bout of low grade depression set upon me.  For the past few months, I have found it difficult to want to engage in anything; wasting entire days holed up in my house, bundled in blankets and fighting the urge to cry for no reason.  All I wanted to do is watch musicals and buy plane tickets.  Mind you, I have had such incredible experiences and gone so many places in the last 12 months.  In fact, a quick review of my Skymiles account will reveal 80k+ miles in the air and 14 trips.  I have been nonstop running around even more since I decided to stay still in LA.  Ironic, eh?

My emotional coping mechanism has been the physical act of leaving for so long that I don’t know how to have a life!  How effing sad!  I'm serious, I think that I pacify myself with running around the country.  Do they make pills for this?!

So I have already decided that 2012 will be travel light, with ‘travel’ being the noun here. , not a verb.  I need to stay long enough in LA to really make something of myself and train myself to be ok in one place.  I didn’t accomplish that this year.  I cant think of how many workshops, meetings, and social events I haven't gone to because of my travel plans.  This year, I was always out of town or working like mad in prep of going out of town.  

Next year, I stay.  Y’all better start booking your flights to come to me.  

P.S.  Except EuroTrip with Coco next summer.  I mean, please.  I’m growing, not becoming someone else entirely.