Wanted: a clue.

It's a strange and unnerving phenomenon that occurs about two-three years after you graduate from college. I call it Rapid-Onset Possibly Debilitating Soul Search Syndrome. You spend years studying your craft in college, you focus. You surround yourself with others who have made the same career/educational choices as you. You study, pass tests, do internships, train. You become qualified and then permitted to act as a bona fide nurse/accountant/circus trainer. A few years go by.... now what? You settle into your career, get a little comfortable and then realize: Uh, is this it? Cue letdown.

I have recently come to this. While I do love nursing, I have now seen that the part I love about nursing is what it gives me, not necessarily what I do. Everyone I know has heard me singing the praises of my profession. Those are all legit. I love the hours, the flexibility, the challenge, and the job security. But there's always a flip side. What's even more absurd about this happening is that I am hearing the same story with so many of my fellow peers. We just aren't sure this was the right idea. Sher hates her corporate accounting job, Stace is running in circles trying to stay on top of Texas oil, TL is a slave to her deskchair, I want to chase some butterflies.

Here are my qualms:

1. It bothers me that I only interact with people professionally during times of crisis. I want to be a part of people's everyday lives, to meet them during happy times, too. I want to be with people who are on vacation. Everyone loves vacation.

2. I never saw myself as a worker bee. I would like to be in more leadership roles. As a nurse, you only go to nurse manager. Holy paper shuffling. Yuck.

3. I sometimes have a hard time with the nursing population. It can be stereotyped to say that nurses are known for being overtired, overworked, cranky, overweight, lazy, and generally a bother to be around. Stereotypes are always started with some major evidence. Just saying.

4. In the setting of a hospital, there always seems to be an "us vs. them" attitude between nurses and doctors. This is horseshit. In fact, lots of nurses think it strange to find me texting a doctor. Guess what?! They poop brown just like the rest of us. This really irks me.

In lieu of these qualms, I have the thought that perhaps I might venture into other areas of interest. While I love travel nursing, I know that this won't be possible forever. I will likely be doing this for a long time, but I think it's fair to say that when I am finished travel nursing, I might be finished nursing in general. I have compiled a list of preferences in case I never grow the cohones to try another occupation. In no order of significance:

1. Be outside more

2. Dont sit around and get fat/ use my body in my work ...... ala the blue zone lifestyle

3. Make me cooler than I am now

4. no hairnets, business suits, or chaps.... generally must not be forced to dress like any member of the Village People

5. learn a superuseful skillset..... like woodcarving. or skydiving. or operating a crane.

6. interact with people during happy times

7. allow for an abundance of travel

8. encourage less focus on monetary motivation

9. get the opportunity to be a really good boss.... like Blake Mycoskie.

10. help me to learn contentedness.

PS. is this silly butterfly chaser wanting the American way? is it just never enough? if so, i'm moving to italy.

incoming.

I have completed my contract here in the Rio Grande Valley. I am thrilled to be unemployed for the next two weeks. I can't wait to start my drive tomorrow. Gotta admit however, as enthused as I am always to move on to another location, it is always bittersweet. I have been taking care of a certain patient now for about a month. She is very sick. As a result, I have gotten close with her family. Her mom gave me the tightest hug this morning, a big smooch on the cheek and told me "adios, chiquita. muchas gracias por cuidar mi hija". That pretty much makes all the ass wiping and tracheal aspirate worth it. Dang it, as much as I sometimes doubt my career choice, this is still pretty badass. Thankfully, I will have time to ponder all of this during the 1,043 miles I have to travel in the next few days.

stay tuned, I have been brewing some thoughts.

Premiering Nov 16th.

Your very own Thoroughly Modern Mingni will be progressing in her travels to Kansas City, MO. Among the benefits of this assignment are: living and adventuring with her dear childhood friend Jasmine, getting BBQ sauce up to her elbows at Arthur Bryant's, pretending to care about KC professional sports teams, working in the praised Children's Mercy Hospital, trolling the Plaza for eats and treats, and finding places to bike, hike, and run. Please consider the City of Fountains in your next travel plan. I am quite anxious for a runaway from the Lonestar State. Another change I am aching for? Cold weather. Odd as it may sound, I am delighting in the remembrance of my boots, outerwear, and scarves sitting in my parent's garage. I'm ready for a winter. KC for the holidays may be just the ticket. Tentative departure date: assignment terminates on Valentines Day. Then spring on the East Coast?

Choose Your Words.

I have come to a realization in the past few weeks that is definitely worthy of sharing with the overgratified youth of America. No matter what your argument is, no one will hear you if you don't say it well. Behold:
In this 3 month assignment, I had ponied into an apartment with two other travelers in the same situation as I. They had signed a lease for the months of Aug, Sept, Oct here in the RGV. As convenience would have it, I agreed to hop in for the last two months so we could all live together and save some cash. I was added onto the account as an occupant. Enter in that nasty old Mr Conflict. One of the girls abruptly quit after deciding that she deserved more than to float at work. (In case you don't know, travel nurses are always subject to float to other units when ours are not busy enough and other units need help. We are the scab workers, and are expected to be flexible.) She was getting married anyway, and probably was going to spontaneously combust from the stress of not being named Bridezilla while wanting to tear the flesh of her florist/cake decorator/ valet boy. So she left.
The other roommate, stuck around until the first of this month. Then decided, in a heated argument that involved hosp security, that she had 'rights' that were not being met. Up and left an hour into her shift, pointing fingers, yelling, and storming about. Not kidding, people actually do this.
As far as I understood, these girls had agreed with me that we would continue to split the rent three ways until the lease was up. After all, it's their lease to begin with. Right???
Well, I had originally written a check to one of the girls before she left, and she cut a check for the entire amt of rent to the leasing office on her way out. Five days later, the two girls decided they didn't want to pay rent for the last month. They're not here. Well, of course I refused and told them that I'm sorry they left, but I already kept my end of the deal and they can't change the terms on me now. It was already a week into the month and it was a done deal.
She stopped payment on her check.
.....because that's what mature adults do. Do you know what happens when you're living in an apt with a negative balance? Turns out, you get evicted. Never happened to me before, but the joke's on them. My name isn't even on the lease and those two girls are headed for a time of poor credit and rental history. It's just unfortunate that it had to be this way. What's worse, she still has my rent and utility money for the month and I couldn't even live there. She called it "collateral". Yeah, ok.

Maybe we could have reached some middle ground. Maybe I would have been more willing to hear her. Maybe her arguments at work were warranted. Doesn't matter, though because she acted so poorly. If you don't behave well, no one will listen.
You can be crusading for third world orphans, women's suffrage, or clean drinking water. If you don't present your argument well, you might as well be opening gunfire.

Warning: Seizure ahead.

I have made the executive decision that I will not be working beyond my Oct 31st contract here in the RGV.  I have had enough.  Details later, I assure you.  I just think it's time to move on, I'm starting to accumulate a poor attitude about my career, and I need to get going before it really sets in and I decide to chase diamondbacks on the Sahara.  I always seem to get stimulation overload every time I start shopping for a new assignment.  Because I don't get to be as choosy as travel RN's in the past, I'm constantly riding the fence between trying to get what I want, and not ending up unemployed.  EEK!  I've gotten calls about assignments for places all over, from RI to SC to DC to KC to MI, but for one reason or another, they don't work.  Yikesabee.  

PrayPrayPray.

Hola Nola!

You MUST go.  It's so silly and fun.  New Orleans is full of fun accents, gorgeous architecture, and whimsy.  Don't bring up Katrina.  You'll spoil it.  I know, it was terrible.  No reason to not wear mardi gras attire, sing karaoke, and flounce about in the streets.  While you're at it, you should sample the beignets at Cafe du Monde.  If you're there with a supergreat friend like Coco, she'll find you a awesome plank painting leaning against a storefront, steal it, and give it to you.  Warning: don't try accidentally/on purpose to go into a strip club.  They won't let you in without a male in your entourage.  Whoops.  I consider it serendipity.  Yikes.  Another warning:  watch for falling beads thrown from balconies above.  They kind of hurt when stupid guys THROW THEM AT YOUR HEAD.  

Love Love Love!

I'm no foreigner

I'm completely familiar with Mariah's vocal ability.  She was my first love, first cd purchased, my favorite song belongs to her still.  All of this had been overlooked as of recent by her poor fashion taste and penchant for plastic surgery/young men.  Have you heard her newest rendition of "I wanna know what love is"?  

Welcome back, MC. Leave the cleavage behind.  

Silly Girls.

Stace and I like to do childish things.  Labor Day weekend in Houston was no exception.  We played on the boardwalk, rode the trolley, ate disgustingly delicious food, and shrieked at the aquarium.  Eek Sharks!

the date.

It's been eight years.  Can you believe it?!  I was fifteen and about to start my junior year of high school.  It was to be my first year of Running Start at EWU, so I hadn't started yet.  I woke up at TL's (we had set the alarm to get up and watch this really horrendous morning talk show featuring Mario Lopez.....I shudder as I type.) and we turned the TV on.  First thing she sees is Tony Blair on the screen going on about how he and his nation will be strong to defeat any and all enemies.  Then she reads the banner across the bottom of the screen that says the twin towers were hit in an apparent terrorist attack.  Her conclusion, that she shrieked to me in the bathroom?  The damn British attacked us!

It's bizarre to remember how terrified I was, even from three thousand miles away.  I had nightmares for months.  Makes me wonder about the people who lost loved ones.  Do their nightmares stop?

Proud to be American on this day, even if not organically.

Love Love Love

Sweet Sam.

I have joined the ranks of Dads and Grandparents everywhere in being completely wrapped around a little girl's finger.  I'm gonna be a cheeseball about this.  I think about her all the time, I wonder what kind of girl she will become, and I wonder how much I will get to do with it.  I worry that she isn't being given what she deserves.  It's hard to love a little thing like her; you want to jump all over her world, spray her with invisa-shield and slay all dragons that dare threaten her every joy.    Sometimes I'm bitter with TL for bringing her into my life and making me fall for her before I was ready to settle down and help more.  That's really immature, I realize, but I feel secure knowing that I have made no guarantees of maturity on this thread.  All the same, as soon as I feel bitter I then feel so thankful because TL has never given me anything so great as Sam.  In all issues Sam-related, I find myself torn.  Wouldn't it be the right thing to do to just swallow my antsyness and go home for a while?  I could help out, be there to help raise her, start my subliminal messages about the Zags, Hudson jeans, and Apple computers.  In the same breath, won't I have so much more to offer Sam if I see as much as I can now, in order to tell her things later?  Am I just a selfish, silly girl chasing butterflies or is there some substance to my wandering?  There is no clarity. Lordy, I need to get out of Texas.  The grease in the air is getting to my head.