Now, anyone who ever hears that I moved to Seattle always wants to talk about the weather first. Before they ask about my new job and new life here in the PNW, there are always words in reference to the reputation this city has earned for the rain and gloom that dictates the majority of the year. In these months, I have lamented to locals and transplants alike how mundane the trend is. I've wanted to bark at all inquirers:
"SEATTLE has borne some of the best modern music of our lifetime! Seriously, anything you like, I bet it's from Seattle. (Other than Lucius)"
"SEATTLE is chock full of wonderful food and earth/body loving ways to get it! CSA farms! Fishermen! Organic dairies!"
"SEATTLE is surrounded by water! We have two highways that go over Lake Washington! There are islands! There are whales!"
"SEATTLE makes tons of beer! Doesn't everyone want to talk microbrews?! I know about IPAs!"
"SEATTLE is where Grey's Anatomy is set. I work in a hospital. Don't you want to make some irritating reference to that?! I'll bite!"
Months have gone by, and no one ever asks about orcas or Damien Jurado first. They all want to talk about the gray clouds and the constant drizzle. It drove me mad, almost as mad as the actual gray clouds and drizzle did.
Well here I go, eating my words again.
Sigh. So, I want to talk about the weather.
The weather in Seattle is a miracle.
Let me back up. For most of October-May, it's horrendous. Horrendous in the mildest way possible. It's horrendous because it's not really anything. The weather for most of the year in Seattle is impotent, passive, and gutless. A seemingly endless chain of mildly cool temperatures, thick cloud cover, and just enough breeze to annoy the snot out of you and mess up your hair.
On top of that, it's humid, thereby cementing the guaranteed Bad Hair Months. You bumble around, not needing an ice scraper ever, but also not being able to roll down your windows in the morning. Light comes in your windows during the day, but not enough to keep the lights off by mid afternoon. Most days of the week, there will be a slight drizzle in the air for a few hours. Not enough to count as real rain, but just enough spray to feel like your hairdresser is constantly misfiring her water spritzer into your face.
Have I bummed you out enough?? No wonder why I've been so moody and full of feelings. I have no choice but to be indoors with them! Now, to be fair, we have had a particularly mild winter, and I have also had lots of days outside playing in the beauty of the PNW, but more on that later. For now, I complain.
(It could be April, it could be November.....)
I moved from LA, if you recall, where the weather is 78 and sunny for basically 300 days a year. I could commit to an outfit 6 months in advance. (For the record, cotton collared tank, cuffed twill pants, low cut converse sans socks, and a knitted long cardigan. Works January-through-January.) I always knew the sun would be out, and I could be in the hills any day that I wanted. Honestly? Of course I didn't cherish it. Sure, I experienced a lot of Sun Guilt (feeling anxiety to get outside when it's sunny), but the morning discovery upon opening my door and feeling the sunshine on my face didn't exactly get me aflutter or anything. I just put on my yoga pants and went about my day, unruffled.
Seattle will ruffle you in the most diffuse way. It's the weeks of choosing this Patagonia puffer or that Northface fleece. It's the constant dissatisfaction with your wiper blades, and the ever present mud on your boots. You just bundle up and introvert, everyone does.
Here's what 5 months of dreary and inept weather has taught me:
The weather should make you feel something.
There should be ups and downs, a melody if you will, to your days! No one will notice a note, even if it's the most beautiful note ever played, if that same note gets played every day.
But the miracle is here. All of a sudden, there will come a day. A day of glorious sun, where the air feels bright and virile, life giving and soul-patching. Maybe that day was February 26th. Maybe it was 61 and sunny. Maybe the sun, in combination with the water, the farms, the whales, the Seahawks, and some great tunes (albiet from Tennesee) will create just the combination to make you absolutely drunk on your surroundings. Maybe it will seem like the first time you've felt anything outside yourself in months. Maybe, the gray impotence serves the purpose of providing the contrast to highlight glory, when it comes.
(Windows down, Sunroof back, biggest grin since September)
Don't think I'm not aware of the 4 month blog silence.
I've been kinda uninspired by this medium.
This fall was pretty tumultuous and maybe I was too wrapped up in my nonsense to really put work into writing.
I've been cheating.
The truth is, I started a secret Tumblr page several months ago. I don't know what my deal was, other than I just had some thoughts I wanted to say anonymously. For the first time since I can remember, I've felt the need to keep myself and my thoughts a bit private or maybe just separate from myself? I've been wanting to say things and process things but not necessarily under a snarky heading or with animated GIFs to accent. So I started this secret Tumblr to post all of the things I find too annoying to let people I love read. I'll let strangers find my rantings and yearnings obnoxious, eh? The Tumblr is not linked to my name at all, although there is a non-identifying photo of me in its banner. It is also entirely made of posts of poetry, or lists. Some of it is really fun and silly, and other postings are heart breaking and wrought with way too much emotion to take responsibility for.
I hope someone out there reads it and finds it funny, sad, well-written, and annoying.
I've been staring at this screen for an embarrassingly long time, just staring at the sentence "I've been staring at this screen for an embarrassingly long time..." A lot has gone on, guys. I just can't know where to start and which events are the most important to jot down on this silly little outlet. After a series of several thousand desperate distractions, I remembered this email I sent to a friend in September. He had noticed some strange photo patterns on my Instagram, and just sent a "hey, what's going on with you?" text message to find out my deal. He got way more than he asked for, and I am now gifted with a quick and dirty synopsis of my current state of being. If you have the patience, this is the recap (mind you, this was written in September. Should've posted it then.....): Hey Hey-
6 months ago:
I start to feel.... itchy. I've never been great at staying put anywhere but LA has been providing needed stimulation and distraction for three years. I love the standup and my improv team. I become obsessed with hip hop dance classes. I also start to loathe my job and coworkers. Not sure where I want to go or what I want to do, but just feeling discontent. Tried distracting myself with new activities and people, and it works for a minute.
4 months ago:
I start hearing that 4 years in LA is the point of no return. I sweat. I think maybe what I need is a change in neighborhood. As much as I loved my little place, I spent all of my time in Silver Lake and Echo Park. I already had arranged a month off of work in July, so I figured I'd pack up all my stuff before I left and find a new place when I got back. New start, etc etc. I start telling people that I'm just waiting to be pulled somewhere, in a new direction. I toy with getting certified in yoga, going off the grid and volunteering on a medical ship in Africa, writing a novel, dating comedians, etc etc
3 months ago:
My friend Adam makes me read this book, "The Defining Decade". It's basically a book speaking of the cultural phenomenon that defines our twenties as a throwaway decade, and how that's a load of crap. Our thirties are NOT the new twenties, and being happy in your middle years comes from learning how to not be an assface and make anything of yourself in your twenties. My discontent flares into full on existential crisis. Conveniently, my intended month vacation to Europe trip falls apart. I end up needing to be up in the Northwest for a few weddings in July, so I decide to take the time to do a long drive up there, take the 101 along the coast, run on my aunts farm, play in canada, unplug my devices and plug my ears, etc etc.
2 months ago:
I pack up all of my shit and leave it in my friends garage. I set out on my road trip, just blaring Mariah Carey and bawling my bloody eyes out. The drive is beautiful, and I reaffirm my love for the NW, and come to terms with the fact that I might just want to end up there. Its everything I love, and the place I want to be when I get old and ugly. One major takeaway from the book is that if you know where it is you want to end up, GO. Don't wait to get what you will want eventually. Go get it now. I get up to Seattle, hike in the mountains, wade in the water, and just decide I'm ready to be back here. The fear of shame in leaving LA kept me there for a while. I let go of it in July. If I have to choose between being 'right' or being happy, I EFFING CHOOSE HAPPY!
So I sent a breezy email to a few of my travel nurse recruiters, asking them to just let me know if anything in Seattle or Portland comes across their desk. No rush, but think of me. I immediately get a response for Seattle Childrens', which is a dreamy top 5 facility. I submit for the position but don't hear anything. I dont stress, wasn't in any rush.
1 month ago:
I'm on my trip, darting all over the NW to get to all of the events I was committed to. Had made several plans and re-plans to see my grandma over the span of 2 weeks. Lost passport, surprise concert tickets, plans and fall aparts pushed and pulled me to finally go and see her on a Friday. She passed away pretty suddenly that Sunday night. She was feeling weird after a colonoscopy Friday night, pain came and went all day Saturday, and I finally just took her in late that night. She had been bleeding from her spleen, and required surgery to stop it and clean out the blood in her abdomen. She did great in surgery on Sunday afternoon and crashed 2 hours after coming back from surgery. I was in her room and watched them code her for way too long. My family was devastated. I have never felt so much like I happened to be exactly where I needed to be in the world. I extend my trip another 10 days to attend her funeral. Hollywood has never seemed so vain or futile.
Right after she passed, I got a cold call from the nurse manager at Seattle Childrens'. We talk for an hour, and she offers me a job and surprises me with day shift, which I was not expecting. Crying again. Snotty and giggling at the same time.
2 weeks ago:
I come back from WA to LA, with a dopey grin on my face the entire way because I just feel so damn good despite all the devastation I had just been through. On my first day back to work, I hand in my two weeks and can hardly be bothered from then on.
Last week: I packed all of my shit in LA into a pod, to be stored til I find a place in Seattle. My friend Coco comes to LA for an OC wedding, and makes the drive back up with me.
We spend two nights on the Lost Coast, this crazy wilderness conservation area in NorCal. Google it, it is utterly breathtaking. We hiked and swam and changed our brains forever. Another night in Salem, OR with my sister, and then Coco and I met our third bestie Molly at the Gorge in Washington. Dave Matthews does a three day concert series there every year on Labor day, and Molly is a tour manager who was working there that weekend. We spend yesterday swimming in the Columbia River and hanging out backstage at the most incredible concert venue in the country.
Today, I was up before the sun and sat on the edge of the river canyon, watching the sunrise and humming DM songs. We hung out with Molly and the kids, caravan-ed to Seattle, and stopped by a sparkly lake for a swim to round out the trip.
Tomorrow, I start at Childrens'. I am exhausted but never happier. I need to be here. I also have been starting to think that maybe I do want to meet a dude and have a throng of screaming half-Asian babies in the more-near-than-far future, and maybe that dude should want to be in the NW, also? So I should be here.
I just reread all of this and cant believe how fucking wordy I am. SORRY JOE, YOU ASKED FOR IT. Let's still be friends even though if you've made it this far, you're probably so annoyed with me that you're currently online, trying to ruin my web reputation. Leave those pics alone, JOE! So that's the basic story. Guess what. I still have no idea what the hell I'm doing. As is my life mantra, I have no answers. Just balls. Love Love Love.
SO, for all of you unaware out there, let me just explain to you a little bit about Being an Asian Girl:
{illustrated by me, all rights reserved. ha.}
We are not known for our bodacious bods. The truth is, the bust and butt of my clothing is often full of nothing but air, and my beach looks can only be described as "She Might Be Carrying a Load Back There/Hey Diaper Butt".
So we can't share closets with Beyonce, and sometimes our bodies are compared to that of 12 y.o little boys. But hey, we have HAIR.
Every gal has her source of power, and for us slantys, it's usually all tied up in our shiny straight locks. It's always sleek, grows like crazy, and requires no de-frizzing. As long as my hair is clean, it's done.
Well, then I went and did this:
I cut off my source of power. What can I say, it was a crutch. Now I really have no physical feminine wiles to display; I'm gonna have to be liked for my personality. Gulp. I can't even pretend like I had the idea; I was only inspired when I sat down in Coco's chair for my usual reshape and she asked if we should really just do it.
Well of course we should! After all, the benefit of taking risks is usually not in the result of taking it, but in the practice of rocking your nerves, ya know? I wasn't so much interested in having short hair; I just wanted to make myself feel weird about it so that I can continue learning to tolerate feeling weird.
Let me tell you, I sure ain't gettin fat with this haircut. Having above-chin hair means that you lose the option of having a supple neck and face. I just keep remembering that if I get fluffy, I might look like this guy:
I'm moving! After 2+years at my darling guesthouse in West Hollywood, I have decided it's time. I LOVE this space so much; but the location just isn't ideal anymore. Most of my friends live on the East Side of LA; the UCB theatre where I am studying and watching improv is on the East Side, the recreation I like is on the East Side. Instead of spending so many hours in my car constantly getting over there every day, it's time to just wake up over there. It's a weird thing for me; and I'm sure I will regret giving up my backyard/garage parking/in unit laundry, but time and nearness is what I'm after. I haven't found another place yet, but will be moving out of mine at the beginning of July. Ala votre to new starts and fresh spaces!
Isn't this a weird hood ornament to have on your car?
This is what I've been thinking lately. People all over think I'm a real weird. Friends and strangers alike think it's odd that I seem to be such a contradicting personality. I am so outspoken and social, yet I lose my mind with loud crowds and shopping malls full of people. I am the most non-committal being Ever; not being able to plan trips more than a few weeks ahead, yet I own a house have been maintaining a mortgage since I was 24. I love LOVE men, and yet I only can stand to keep up with one for a little over 72 hours. I can make Big Decisions just with nothing but a snap instinct, but DAMN, I can never decide what flavor of gelato I want.
Also, people think LA is weird. It's so sunny and warm, but there's constant smog and the temp hardly ever reaches swimsuit weather. There's so much innovation here, but the roads are disastrous and the prominence of strip malls gives the impression that there's no one in charge of urban planning for this city of 4 million. Beautiful people are aplenty, and yet the obsession with beauty also makes you cringe as you pass horrendous altered faces and plumped body parts.
What I've realized lately, is that I will always need to live somewhere WEIRD. We go together. I can't ever make up my mind about the direction of my efforts, the taste of my expression, or the depth of my interests. I need classy and trashy, sassy and gassy.
2nd: I am moved by the majesty of movement and music
3rd: I feel remorse over my lack of dance ability
4th: I think I lost my chance.
5th: I hate my parents for pulling me out of dance class as a child (note: they refused to buy the sequined recital outfits and were further convinced of the stupidity of American culture and child rearing. another time....)
6th: What can only be described as an Ache starts to build in my esophagus and SOUL
7th: I lose sleep over this ache
8th: Something Shiny crosses my eye line
9th: .....What was I aching about? I'm hungry.
YOU GUYS I BROKE THE CYCLE AT #8! I've been taking hip hop dance classes in Silverlake and I'm Obsessed. This GROOV3 class is mainly a cardio dance class, but it's also mainly the most fun dance party ever. There is a live DJ in the studio, whom never stops the HITS, Y'ALL. Benji is the best, and I'm just sleeping so much better, knowing that I am fulfilling just a tiny bit of my untapped dance potential.
Benji asked me to be profiled for his GROOV3 newsletter a few weeks ago, and filmed an interview of me for the site. I'm warning you, I could not tolerate how annoying I am, and have not even seen this video in its entirety. However, others have gotten laughs out of it so I just don't care if you all see how annoying I am as well.
I've basically been a blogger nightmare, eh? I go to Africa in November, I blog in March. Compile a blog to-write list THIRTY items long, sit on it til June.
What can I say? I've been really busy trying to swallow all of the nonsense that I create for myself; making new friends and monochromatically dressing from the waist down.
Love you all; thanks for sticking with me.
Oh and, LINDSAY LAVIN. EXCUSE ME, I HAVENT REALLY BLOGGED IN A REGULAR FASHION SINCE 2012 AND I HAVE BARELY HEARD A PEEP OUT OF YOU. EITHER YOU GOT MARRIED AND YOUR PRIORITIES TOOK A NOSE DIVE, OR YOU'RE TRYING SOME REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY BULLSHIT, TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE YOU DON'T CARE IF I KEEP MY BLOG UPDATED. CHECK YOUR CONSCIOUS AND ADJUST. I NEED YOU TO PROD ME TO REACH MY POTENTIAL.
addendum: I have received word from Mrs Lavin that the nature of her silence was of the latter scenario. she has been reprimanded.
So this post is obviously three months late; but I still felt like I had to spend two hours writing it. Before I started, I had no idea what I would even write about since it feels like nothing happened; but turns out that was just classic I-have-nothing-to-wear Syndrome. 2012 was filled with comedy shows, crazy great meals, a constant revolving door of visitors, live music, sunny outdoor recreation, and my eternal love affair with yoga. Oh yeah, and I'm still a PICU nurse working and stuff; but no one really wants to hear about that. Yearly wrap up; look for the fun links!
January:
UCB 101 graduation show
My family spent Xmas in LA, but as soon as they left I dived right into the local fare. I rung in the New Year completely out of my element at the fanciest spot in LA, kissing my dear Molly and a middle aged British man at midnight. Good omen, eh? This month I started my first level of UCB Improv classes, and subsequently developed my first amorous infatuation with a teacher. Sheepish grin. I was completely knocked over sideways by the UCB method, and became obsessed with learning and developing this skill. Still am. I spent a lot of time this month seeing live music, and being outside in those hills (addendum: I've hiked 7/10 of those listed; and 6 of these are legit)
Bored Birthday Girl
February: I always try to get home to Spokane for my Goddaughter Sammy's birthday. Made it again this year, and got to spend 9 days with my friends and family. I was introduced to the great band Mutemath via live concert (the best way), and played dress up with my best gal. I also was delighted with the comedy scene here in LA, went to the Meltdown Comedy show every week, continued my UCB classes with level 201, and of course then saw a LOT of UCB shows. This is also the month my bestie ASHBO and I became friends, which is noteworthy because, as my sister says, I hate everyone until I love them.
At the end of February, I spent 10 days working at the annual TED conference in Long Beach. My friend works for the organization, and he got me a spot amidst the brain love to experience it for myself. It was overwhelming and I met a lot of smart, fun, and socially awkward people. Bill Nye the Science guy and I got to be fast friends. I'll try to not let it get to my head, but no guarantees.
Draw Something
March: The month started out with a few of the TEDsters in LA after the conference to play. I dragged them all over the city, showing them my favorite spots. We all laughed, I made things weird. Eyeroll. I turned 26. (gulp, still closer to 25!) A few of the work gals dragged me out to a the Spare Room at the Roosevelt. QuestLove was DJing. Oh okay. The app DrawSomething swept the nation and I was taken prisoner by it. It was a fast moving tornado, wrecking my life and taking my attention for a mere month before losing steam and leaving a trail of wasted time in its wake. It was devastating.
Coco came to visit this month, and we spent a week eating our weight in Cafe Gratitude entrees and pretending like she lived here already. Ashley's best friends came to visit from STL, we all had laughs and I made things weird. But funnily, of course.
At the end of the month I got talked into a spontaneous trip to Vegas to meet my bestie and Sammy's mom TL and her crew of friends for a weekend of such abhorrable events that I refuse to even recall them in my head, let alone divulge to all you hairy monsters. I was punished at the end of this month with the worst sickness I can recall, and did not deal well as you can see here:
Standup notes from my first time up
April: This month was dark and stormy in LA, and I was all riled up and thrashing around. Well I finally got some balls, and got onstage to try standup. I immediately fell in love with the instant gratification of the provided stage, light and mic. Go figure. Ashley and I got to be fast besties this month, and kicked off a long spring season of bars, boys, belly-filling and body scrutiny, beaches, and Bullshit. Lots of whoo-hooing and next morning ugh-NOing going on this month. I was still continuing my UCB classes, getting through level 301. I had a serious identity crisis when I gave in to my logical mind and took a position at my work, instead of maintaining the rouse of travel nursing. I had been in LA for 18 months, the jig was up. I went through New Employee Orientation and loathed myself the entire time. My friend Monica came into town from Seattle, we tried to watch Silence of the Lambs both for the first time, shown outside in a cemetery. I started packing blankets as soon as Hannibal escaped from prison, and ended up stress eating sweet potato fries at Cafe 101.
Dinking around Griffith Park
May: The Sloshy Spring continued as Ashley and I tried to make light of our lack of life direction and purpose. We both wasted time wine-ing our way through LA men completely wrong for us; feeding our delusions with fear of boredom. Lots of veeeeery deep reflection on love and life this month. She tried online dating; I renewed my vow to never do it. In between regrets, I played outside a LOT as usual. I introduced her to runs around the Silverlake reservoir, and Ashley took me to boxing class. This was fun, esp because I ended up with uber tough looking bloody knuckles the next day. I bought a new car this month, and realized my penchant for price haggling and mind games. I refuse to acknowledge the asian factor to this. I drove my old car from LA to Seattle in a very short 24 hours, stopping to see my sister in Salem, OR and then spent a few days squeezing my family and friends in Seattle. Did some standup, and ran a 5k.
Cinespia movie screening
June: This month is usually gross and gloomy in LA, but certainly not true, at least weather-wise this year. The aforementioned cemetery movie screenings lightened up, and I could be found there with a pile of sleeping bags and a picnic dinner every weekend. Ashley was living with me this month before leaving in July for a Eurotrip, so our bestie-ness was at an all-time disgusting level. We were inseparable; in a constant cycle of taking workout classes, and refilling with trips to Whole Foods. My Gonzaga bestie Sheriann and her husband Peter came into LA on their Tour de California, so I took them down to San Diego to see our other roomie Andrea. While there, I fell asleep at the bar after fully intending to let the dancing Panda out that night. Woke up the next morning with a new sense of my age, in full on self loathing. Gross. I also spent 10 days at home in Spokane this month, taking care of my mother and trying to coordinate her new life after being diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and kidney failure. Double gross.
It's ten thirty. I'm in REM
Not the tat I got; but an option for later, eh?
July: I spent the 4th in a Thai massage. Seriously. The 4th always reminds me of Thailand, because the Fosters are there at that time every year, and I always wish I am with them. I got a new tattoo in a whirlwind caffeine high dream state. Not sorry yet! I spent another week in Spokane this month; having to go care for my mom after her kidney removal surgery. I breathed a small sigh of relief after her surgeon informed us that the mass they found was not cancer. Her and our lives are still completely changed, but I was definitely not trying to deal with the chemo battle. My mother does not care for Western Medicine with its big bad Chemicals and Lasers; and it was battle enough to get her to consent to surgery. Blurgh. This month I also sent my sister to South Africa for her semester abroad, and one of my favorite patients home after NINE long months in the hospital.
My favorite place in the world to wake up, Foster Farms in Carnation, WA
August: Cue exhaustion! Also cue refusal to slow down! I started my last level of UCB classes this month, still was doing standup as I could and improv as well with my team Reply All. We formed after all taking class together at the 201 level, and after some Destiny's Child-esque lineup changes, are still going strong. I ran up to Seattle to meet my cousin Janae's new baby, Baker. Spent a dreamy few days with the Fosters on the Farm, before jetting to Vancouver, BC for a weekend. I hadn't been there since childhood, and really needed to reacquaint myself with Hollywood North. I got to spend some QT with my bestie Kim, and fell in love with the Pacific Northwest all over again. To all you non-natives reading this: GO AWAY! Stay wherever you are; leave the NW alone! I love it so much and want it to stay exact as it is. Both Ashley and Sheriann/Peter came back around to LA for short stints, so I had plenty of dinner dates and summer love.
Happy Birthday Molly!
September: Coco finally moved to LA this month, and I was over the moon. We were loving on the ideal weather this month, and entertaining new and old friends alike. I was still doing standup per usual, and more regularly this month than ever before. Coco's and my friend, Jae, flew down from Spokane for a short weekend to see the incomparable Peter Gabriel at the Hollywood Bowl. It was a crazy great show, and my first at the Bowl. Renewed my want to perform on a huge stage; so I bought a guitar and started YouTube lessons. I can now play 3 songs. Badly. You just let me know if you want to hear Bieber's "Baby" over and over again, k? This month I rediscovered karaoke in K-town and finally ended the runaround with another Barnacle on the boat to progress (read: I stopped talking to a superrat. Still working on the maturity thing, see.)
Hiking in Lieper's Fork, TN
October: Fun month! This is the best month to be in LA, in my opinion. My bestie Kim from Vancouver came to play with Coco and me, and we spent a week eating disco fries at Canters and watching skateboarders in Venice. So much standup and LA fun dinners this month, the sun makes all things festive. I somehow found it intoxicating and scooted over to the Beast Coast to see Ashbo in Nashville, where she moved to after leaving LA. Had never been, got to do lots of autumn leaf hikes, meet crazy cowboys, and dress up for Halloween. I got to dress up three times this year; and ended my run with an epic dance battle that I unofficially won. The other party was a little low energy, but he does star in a sitcom so I guess whatever. I was also peeled to Twitter, frantically searching for Hurricane Sandy human interest stories and retelling of stranded meet-cutes between strangers.
Birthday dance party favors
November: My eccentric and safety-obsessed neighbor moved out of the big house in front of my guesthouse, and I got a new set of neighbors, whom I love. This month I hit three parked cars in the span of 18 hours; please insert Asian driving joke of your choice. Thankfully the only damage was to my reputation, which I don't take too seriously. My Aunt and Uncle came through LA briefly, and I got to feel Asian and use Chinese for a second; which rarely happens for this lil Twinkie. Well, I guess the biggest news is that I saw movies and found a great spot for Shabu Shabu in Little Tokyo. Just kiddin', I went to Africa. No seriously guys, I went to Africa. Spent a month traipsing through South Africa, Zimbabwe, and Lesotho. There are so many posts pending about this trip, I wont do it a disservice by merely adding a little blurb here.
Trying to never leave, Tsitsikamma National Park, South Africa
December: I was in Africa. Then I came back and was bummed out the rest of the year. Serious couch time, staring angrily at my ringing phone and wishing that no one knew my number. It was really precious.
A recent conversation with my mom:
Me: "Mom, so you know how I'm turning 27 this week?"
Mom: "oh yeah, happy birthday!"
Me: "No, no. thats not what I meant. I was just gonna say to you that I just realized that that's the age that you and dad got married. That's so crazy that I'm now the age you two did that!"
Mom: "Well, you have to remember that we were very young for this modern age."
She was referring to 1984 as 'this modern age'. You know, FIVE years BEFORE the Tiananmen Square Massacre. Twenty years before she would pay for internet service. But you know, AFTER the Great Wall was built. But ya know, MODERN.
In case my friends don't find my constant musical outbursts annoying ENOUGH, I have decided to Make it Official. As of this week, I started the UCB's Musical Improv class. Sooooo, over the course of 8 weeks, I'm learning to continue long form improv, completely made up scenes,.... all in song. (OR SOMETIMES FREESTYLE RAP).
It's weird and stressful for sure; but it's so much easier to swallow the stress of improv when there's a song! The accompanist plays a tune based on the suggestion, and as long as you understand song structure, it's really not that terrifying. In fact, I love it so far and I've only been to one class.
You may laugh and roll your eyes now, but someday I will meet Wayne Brady in a dark lounge somewhere....and we will ascend the stage.....each give a nod to the jazzy pianist with the cigarette....and sing a song about a random one word suggestion from the audience.
There are not enough girls. This is good because I don't feel a lot of competition, it's bad because GIRLS ARE FUNNY. I will say this, I have encountered a lesser percentage of funny female comics than the other. Which is a bummer.
There are not enough non-white people. Funny minority comics are usually great, by my experience. Make more of them famous, America.
Male comics will hit on anything. Hiring security is not ridiculous.
There is so much politics and unspoken 'manners' about even this part of the industry, it's insane. For a talent borne of dorks and the unaccepted, could be ease up on the ego? Garsh. shut up.
I've really been having fun with the character part. I usually dress super girly and childish, just so people can laugh harder when I talk about sex and poop. Juxtaposition, guys.
It's not scary. In fact, it's the least scary out of the mixed bag of auditioning, improv, and comedy. Think about it, guys. You get handed a mic, a stage, a spotlight, and a captive audience. It's all laid out for you. Magic.
New year, new comedy. I've been working on some new stuff; can't wait to get up and try it out. Eek!
Recently, this photo was taken of me. I was unaware, and surrounded by a group of people that I did not know. Upon seeing this photo, I was overwhelmed with the need to address a phenomenon that has been building over the last ten years.
Now is the time to acknowledge this one thing that has been haunting me: I have bitchface.
This is not something that is easily understood by my peers, to whom I constantly appear as such:
Apparently, to the general public and strangers, I carry such a heinous look on my face as the previous photo; making me wholly unapproachable to anyone that hasn't been previously acquainted to my pudding-filled personality. It's refutable to people who know me, they all say that's impossible. But I've been told more than once. When in presence of unfamiliar people, I somehow express a look of seething disdain and unexplained annoyance.
An example: When I lived in Spokane, I frequented a yoga studio downtown. One of my dear friends, Kirsten, recommended it to a coworker of hers. She sent her there, also telling her to introduce herself to the little asian girl (ahem, superfriendly me!) who would inevitably be practicing there as well. This coworker went to yoga and noticed me plainly, but she didn't say anything. WHY, I would ask Kirsten later??
BECAUSE I DIDN'T LOOK FRIENDLY.
Well, scoff. I dont know! How does one change the way they naturally hold their face in neutral?! Is there a class I can take or exercises I can do?! Is this why I have always felt so safe in foreign countries and never get bothered on the bus? What am I supposed to do?! Walk around in my life with a dopey grin on my face?! Is that what YOU DO?!
Ashley had been talking about getting a tattoo for a while. We worked on font, size, placement. She wore a Ming-sharpie version for a few days. On our way to the tattoo shop, we get large iced coffees. We hadn't eaten yet that day, I was feeling preeeetty good.
So I got a tattoo.
M2820 means Matthew 28:20, which is my favorite Bible verse. Has been since Camp Bear Paw in 1997, when I was flipping to the end of Matthew, in order to find space in my Bible to doodle. This verse is the very last of the Book, the very last line in Jesus' Great Commission to his disciples. He is telling them to go out in the world, to teach them everything they had been taught.
".....and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Sometimes, I think that the reason I like being alone so much is because I know I never really am. Love Love Love.
Does there exist such an occupation where, I could come to your wedding..... and make it fun.
I think I could make a LOT of couples happy.
I mean, these people spend countless hours and thousands of dollars trying to create the Perfect Day, right? In all reality, what people talk about is How Fun/Lame the Party Was.
What I Will Bring to Your Day:
1. No one will remember how you ran out of champagne if I am delivering a toast. I will likely be singin, crying, gesturing wildly, or a combination of all three. The drama of it all will distract all attendees from the waitstaff forgetting to bring the rolls out. (Not the ROLLS!)
2. I will always gladly take on the task of Starting the Dance Floor. Every bride is always concerned with this Great Feat. Rest assured, I don't care about how I appear to your dorky relatives from Iowa. Strike it up, Mr. DJ.
2a. I know all the steps to the Electric Slide, Boot Scootin Boogie, Bunny Hop, the Pretzel, Cupid Shuffle, and Dougie. I would throw this service in for free, but will charge if I have to put my hands on your Aunt Marge's shoulders or if I get stepped on.
3. I will get your crankiest family member on the dance floor. He (it's always a he) will find me adorable, or in the very least oblige me in fear of appearing racist.
4. I will request the sleeper hit. I'm not embarrassed to make the DJ download Justin Bieber on his iTunes. Everyone will love it, and everyone will talk about how cute it was that the DJ had such "bad taste".
5. I will stop the conga line.
6. I will inevitably end up having a heart-to-heart with one of your immediate family. The Big Pink Elephant will be resolved, and you will leave on your honeymoon in peace.
7. I will make sure you get your money's worth from the bartender. Sometimes, I will even surprise you and pay for a keg. Because I didn't bring a gift. Because I never do.
8. I will end up in the bathroom with the bride at a very opportune moment. To hand her my lipstick/shoes/ponytailer/the rest of her dress.
9. I will randomly bring the "ONE THING youcantbelieveyoudidntthinkof" that made the party. Like glowsticks.
10. I will play along with any 'wedding clingers' I might come upon as to maintain the fun of your reception. I will give them all fake numbers, but there will be no 'scene' to buzzkill your Wedding of the Century. I will run interference on all of your bridesmaids and young cousins. Everyone will think they fell in love at your wedding, until the next morning.
Feel free to contact me to discuss pricing! Discount if you mention my blog!
An enthusiastically noncommittal post-grad's take on all things annoying, adventuring, growing up/never growing up, the gypsy life and having the balls to try.
This just means that I love you to love it. Share at will, but don't jack it up, abuse it, or forget to give credit. I will do the same, and spread the good cyber karma.
What She Said?
The Deal
I work: PICU nurse.
I play: comic, improviser, actor, yogi, and travel fiend.
I have been a travel nurse for a while, hopping from hospital to hospital across the US. I grew up in Spokane, WA and have lived in NYC, PHX, TX, Kansas City, and on a farm in Carnation. I've just moved to Seattle after being in LA for 3 years, where I studied at UCB, improvised with my team Reply All, did standup comedy around town, and ran around intoxicated on sunshine. I am now likely making too much noise somewhere, with galoshes on my feet and a laptop tucked under my arm.
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