Trip the Light Mingtastic

LA first week.

Holy strip malls.

The driving here is insane, perhaps the city wide anorexia epidemic causes the poor brain function on the roads?

The sun shines, even despite the smog.

Santa Monica is supersweet. Shops, cafes, and beach oh my!

Excuse me, leathery tan old lady with impossibly altered facial structure. Could you not double-park your convertible so that two way traffic is possible again? kthx.

It's impossible to familiarize yourself with this place. The highways intersect awkwardly, the streets are haphazardly placed, and the cool pockets are hidden amongst blocks and blocks of car rental lots.

Google Maps says your trip takes 20 minutes, the reality is 90 minutes.

One day, I had frozen yogurt for lunch and dinner. It seems almost right; froyo is everywhere.

No habla espanol. es un gran problema.

The hills everyone tells me to hike are crowded with bodies and canines. I'm gonna have to get me out of LA County for some real adventure.

When I was Little(r)...

My parents seriously cramped my decor style and gave the reasoning that someday, when I owned my very own house, I could do whatever I damn well please. Well, that day has certainly come and what I please includes, but is not limited to: painting the walls obnoxious colors, hanging my bike on ceiling joists in the living room, putting tibetan prayer flags up, using a Zags flag as a window treatment, and wallpapering with a world map. I'm 24. I can live in Candyland.

Oh the Horror.

disclaimer: i am almost embarrassed to relay the account of this below instance. it's pathetic, but it's all real.

It happens somewhere, every day. The unimaginable nightmare. You head into the bathroom for a routine draining of bladder. You relieve, and lightheartedly turn around to push the flusher. Just as your fingers are about to graze the edge of the lever, a silhouette catches your eye from the abyss of the bowl. You glance down, and your stomach drops out of your butt.

It's your iphone.

In a split second you gasp, shriek, and thereafter can't speak. Without a thought in your mind, you reach into that cursed bowl, potty water and all, and fetch that blessed gadget out from its yellow drowning. You fingers scramble as you desperately work against the clock to get the liquid off of it, wiping it on your hands, clothes, nearest bathrug. Immediately you run out of the bathroom (nope, didnt wash my hands, I now realize) and announce to the room that you just dropped your iphone in the toilet. If you happen to be at Jake Foster's house in Livermore with a bunch of boys while they help him move, they will all stop and respectfully gasp. and then Aunt Terry will tell you to put your phone in a bag of rice overnight, to draw the liquid out. From then on, it's a wait-and-see game, until the fateful next morning when you garner the balls to turn it on.

In this scenario, dear iphone will loyally turn on and give the illusion of full functionality. But after some testing and pushing, you will discover that it's actually developed a seizure disorder and is now possessed by the spirit of toilet bowl gremlins. It no longer gives sound from all speakers, and it keeps mistakenly performing actions without provoke.

Sigh.

Afterword: Although i lost everything on that phone, including notes from every church service I attended while having it, pictures, and apps, the beautiful people at the Pleasanton, CA Apple store just effortlessly replaced it. I'm sure they pitied me, after I gave them the sob story of being on my way to LA, where I don't know the roads......No, they didn't ask if my phone had ever been immersed in urine. So I didn't offer the information.

Spotted.

seen in the Huckleberry's parking lot in Spokane, WA on Labor Day 2010. Imagine the shenanigans this rig has seen.....

fa La La La LA.

Amidst all of this non blogging and playing around, I must address the harsh reality of my employment situation. I'm growing weary of my occupation. I feel like being trapped inside for 12 hours a day is becoming cruel and unusual. Yes, I'm being dramatic, but hey... we're here on my terms.

I'm starting to think about career alternatives and options for my second quarter life crisis.(the first being three years ago when I realized I was fat, of course). I have some thoughts brewing, but sharing those is for later.

In the meantime, I have resolved to appreciate this occupation I chose at the sage age of..... 15, and try to set myself up for success in fun factor assignments.

In lieu of this, I exasperated myself and all of the lovely people who work to get me employed every three months. I was fussy. I refused to consider night shift (it makes me bonkers!) or assignments located in places without a major airport.

that makes for some slim pickins, folks.

I had just about decided to run away with the circus or be a street tambouriner when I was submitted for jobs in LA, Palo Alto, San Diego, and New York, all within 12 hours.

LA called first. I made it through the gut wrenchingly intense interview (kid found drowning in pond. what do you do--GO!), and was offered a contract.

So here I am. Nestled in a hotel room in Hollyweird, waiting for my apartment in Fabulosity, CA (my recruiter promised me this...) to open up.

LA is. sunny. smoggy. crowded. strip mall-y. corny. touristy. foodie. hipster. vast. urban. varying. full of possibilities.

stay tuned, all. beyond the brown clouds there is an air of adventure here, I can feel it.

Love Love Love.

Soooo....

I met this guy. It's a good story; one that I would gladly retell in person, but may be too loaded to share on this ever exposing interweb upon which I write.

So I'll just tell you that we met while both exploring; finding ourselves in a similar predicament.

We had fun; it was rad to meet someone who was seemingly as adventurous as I, that was interesting and easy to talk to. The banter was delicious.

But then you know what's not fun? Being bombarded afterward. Dude, dont hound me. I dont want to hear what you had for lunch, what you think about crop circles, or that you could be on a flight over in an hour. creeper.

where was the slight elusiveness and mystery?! Geez, I know girls complain about players who mess with your mind....but this girl needs you to play the game at least a little. No one likes a guy who has to drag a huge cool card around, but just keep a small one in your wallet?

oh the love game. si difficile. pic source

Overheard.

So I've embarked on my seemingly endless journey home from China last July, when I hear these two American guys discussing the status of their dating lives. To set the stage, we are walking through the terminals at the airport in Guangzhou, to the international terminal. Surrounding these two men is a sea of black hair, almond eyes, and obscenely large luggage. People are yelling and stuffing fruit in their pockets. These two guys obviously assume that no one within earshot understands any english. Begin scene:

american man #1 : "so where are you going the weekend after that?"

american man #2 :" man, i've got to get to shenzhen, and see that girl i told you about before."

american man #1: "that one you nailed in the hotel three weeks ago?"

american man #2: "nah, i havent even talked to her. this new girl, i met her at that immersion event a week ago and she seems pretty cool."

american man #1: "alright, but how sticky is she?"

--my mind interjects : sticky?! gross! what the hell are they talking about?! these guys are d-bags!

american man #2: " i dont know yet, dude but i guess i'm gonna find out."

american man #1: "well she cant be as bad as the last girl i met, she was downright embarrassing."

my mind is reeling.

american man #2: "well dude, i hope she isn't. here's hoping she has her own visa and everything."

ooooooooohhhhhhh. got it.

sticky: adj. describing internationally born women who cling to american men in order to procure a hasty marriage/impregnation in the name of a US green card.

At this point I just have to turn around and put faces to this dialogue. Enter jaw drop. I'd expected Cristiano Ronaldo and David Beckham to be revealed, exchanging details about their torrid affairs as such. Oh boy, what I saw was PeeWee Herman and Screech, skinny ankles and all. So how bout the ol' US of A? Making otherwise self respectable asian women giggle impishly and bat non-existent eyelashes all for the apparent greater good of free speech and unaffordable health care. yowzas.

Can't Not Be Mentioned.

I mentioned it in passing with the bookstore blurb, but I cant just let my Denver trip be summed up with just a few words about some silly book summaries.

I had originally intended to take my dad to Alaska on a fishing trip as my not-working-after-China-bucket-list-item summer trip. He punked out.

So when Sheriann called to say she would be in Denver on business the first week of August, I demanded to crash. My lovely, Nick, lives there with his lovely and I just like it there.

Whoa, do I like it there.

I spent a week in Breckenridge, Denver, Colorado Springs, Boulder, and many surrounding little spots running, walking, hiking, rafting, biking, jumping, and laughing.

You must make this place a must-go.